I have a void in me that I cannot explain. I can be surrounded by millions of people and I will always feel alone. Why can’t I be normal? I see so many people and I envy them just because they know how to give and receive love, something I struggle with, something I wish I could have with those close to me, yet it’s so hard. How can you live this way when you have everything the world can offer, and yet you lack the one thing, the only thing that your heart is seeking – true happiness?
Posts Tagged ‘loneliness’
I’m So Angry, Bitter And Jealous!
I confess I’m very embittered and jealous and angry and hurt and all mixed up right now. I got asked out by this guy some time back. I took him up, and like a naive stupid schoolgirl said yes. Don’t know why – we have totally conflicting lives and interests and it never would have worked. Was just flatter someone thought I was dateable, I guess. At 32yrs old – he was the first and only guy to ever ask me out. I was an idiot to say yes. I deserve better.
Anyway – I dated him for a while, and soon after he dumped me – kinda – via a friend, saying that I wasn’t attractive, physically, mentally, or sexually to him, but that I was (as everyone keeps telling me) I am a really ‘nice’ girl. She showed me his email, as she thought I needed to know. He obviously had no intention of telling me, cos 5 mins earlier we’d been on the phone and I hadn’t a clue he felt like that. So it was a lucky escape really.
Soon after that escape, I found out that I had merely been used (and my friend too, who dated him before me – but they ended him for mutual reasons), to see how he really felt about another woman he’d been seeing (and still was seeing) for the previous 5 months – and he did it because his feelings for the other woman were so strong it scared him…he says! It was all completely unbeknownst to myself and my friend at the time! I was furious and felt so used (thank god nothing intimate happened) and cut him from my life. He sent a short 4 line apology email – and my friend (who had the mutual split from him) read him the riot act for being so dis-respectful to me. She was fuming for herself, but more so for me, which was nice.
After a while, I figured life was too short to remain upset over it, as if I am completely honest, I never really liked a lot about him anyway, but he was good company when he wasn’t drugged off his head. So I renewed connections, and we continued to be in contact on a aquaintance basis, and via the telephone only, every few weeks.
After a trip overseas to see this woman (they met on the internet) he came back completely loved up. He adores her completely – and I was felt sick over it all. He went back to see her 8 weeks ago, and has another 4 weeks out there. This morning I get an email from him saying he’s marrying her – he’s so happy, and in love, and she is ‘the one’.
I should be happy that 2 people have found their ‘soulmate’…..I should be delighted for them both….but I’m not. And it’s pathetic because I don’t even like the guy! Maybe because I am still single….maybe because I am jealous that he has someone when he isn’t the nicest of people really…maybe because I am just plain dumb to feel anything else towards him….but right now – I want to beat him hard – or run away and sit in a corner and hide from the world – or just have a hug from someone who cares…..anything…anything…anything to NOT feel how I am feeling right now… I feel so….so…….mixed up……….and so hurt…….it’s not fair. Being a nice person just doesn’t cut it in this messed up world.
What If She Was My Last One?
Okay, so I’m in my early 20’s. I’ve had one relationship after another since I was in my mid teens. Almost a decade of one after the other relationships. I’ve recently become single again.
Had a one night stand the other week. Me being me, I decided to get in touch with the girl. I asked her if she fancied a drink some time, she knocked me back saying she thought I was nice and everything but she wasn’t interested. I was sort of relieved if I’m honest. Just not ready to commit. But also at the same time I’m thinking… Huh ?!
Now I’m a bit worried. What if ending my last relationship was a bad idea ? What if I never have another relationship again ? What if I go bald and get ugly? I just looked in the mirror and thought “eurgh!” Now I’m paranoid!
Do I need to join a gym? Maybe have some cosmetic surgery? I see all these “modern” men on TV wearing tight clothes and make up. I’m even considering losing weight and becoming skinny and wearing make up. For me this is a bit weird. I’ve always had a “primitive” masculine look to me.
I’ve read confessions on here from men that haven’t had sex or any contact with a girl at all or since their early 20’s. What if that is me? What if the girl I was with the other week is my last? What if in 10 years I’ve not been with another woman?
I’m not one of these strange guys asking for a load of girls opinions, I just want someone to let me know if they have felt the same? Is this an early mid-life crisis? I’m freaking out here…
Mate, if it’s still working you’re in with a chance.
Is This London Life?
My life is boring and lonely. I’m depressed, I’ve put on weight, I have no friends, I hate my job where I work 58 hours a week although the payment is rubbish. There’s no possibility to get a normal boyfriend. I feel like I’m going down. Is it just me or is it London?
Come on, London is a great place you might just be working too many hours. Take a little time for you and do something energetic. This will be good for your physical and mental well-being.
I Need His Love
I’m on my second marriage, and I believed we would be married for ever. Problem is, that although I give him all the kudos in the world for being so dedicated to his career, I am tired of having to wait on the back shelf. My emotional and physcial needs are not being met. I’m so hurt, so tired of being a supportive wife, I give and give and give and get nothing back! I feel like nothing special. I just want to be held and loved. I need that. Why is it all just about him??
Because you have put him on top you can’t be there.
I Have Never Been Loved
I have never been loved. I’ve had numerous sexual partners but I’ve never experienced love. I don’t think I’m ugly and I’m not desperate as I get enough sex. I am well educated, humble and financially stable. I’m just a decent bloke who always tries to help others but reciprocation has not been equally given. I have all this love to give but no woman so far has wanted it – what am I doing wrong?
You need to give love to get love. Happy hunting!
Good On Ya, Girls!
My confession: It makes me feel good to hear that women are really crap judges of character when it comes to men. It makes me feel better that I’m honest, respectful, and single but undateable. You go on girls – take your handsome, no-good, crap blokes, and have a crap time of it why don’t you…
Fella, I feel your pain but some women make the right choice and who knows – it might be you. Try not to be bitter because your bitterness will poison your persona. Keep it real!
I Wish It Was Me
My heart always stops when I hear or read about a guy confessing his love for someone. How I would love to be that someone! Just for once to be someone’s first choice. Someone’s love. I think I have always dreamed of a man telling the world that I am the one. But of course it will never happen.
I Love Gay Men
I’m 31 and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve had a few flings but it’s never been more than a few dates or sex. Straight men are too full of themselves. I love gay men and I go to gay clubs to meet them. I’ve tried women but I’m not a lesbian. I don’t want to have sex with a woman. I’d love to be with a gay man but they just want to be friends with me. Sometimes I think I’ll never meet a man to love and I’ll be lonely all my life and I don’t want to be alone anymore.
Curiosity has me really wondering what you see in gay men…
Life Sucks Innit
Sometimes I feel so alone in the world. The friends that you thought would be there weren’t. The family members you thought had your back didn’t. That one special person in your life who’s supposed to be right by your side doesn’t even exist. Life sucks innit?
In a strange way we are all alone, being conceived by the same parents isn’t the secret or the solution. Sometimes a stranger might hold the answer so don’t give up hope because Rome wasn’t built in a week. If life really sucked maybe all of us would walk around smiling…
