Archive for Confessions

What’s With the Cyber Phantoms?

{ 27 April, 2009 @ 7:28 pm } · { Confessions }
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I was chatting to this guy from a dating site and I asked for a photo of him. He replied that he would only consider sending one a lot further down the road in our communication. Naturally, alarm bells went off for me. We’d already been emailing one another for several days.

I’ve come to realise that if a guy doesn’t make a move by the fourth or fifth email – like asked for my number or suggested meeting up, yet continues to email, asking question after question and expressing great interest in me and my life, that he actually has no intention of getting out of cyberspace. Ever. Something is not right; he’s most likely a loner; odd; married; deeply lacking confidence or something like that. Or he could have horrendeous scarring on his face and be unable to face a woman but wants and needs the interaction with the opposite sex like most of us do. One just doesn’t know.

Anyway, so instead of obliging me with the requested photo although he had several of me, he gave me a description of himself. He said he was 5′9, 83-85kg, size 9 shoes, short hair. He didn’t mention his eye or hair colour. I found the emphasis on his foot size odd. Don’t you?

I had to write him and explain that I wasn’t into emailing for hours on end and that in my experience staying too long in cyberspace with a stranger is unhealthy. He wrote “Your opinion is respected and I’ll not seek to change that. Wish you well in your endeavours, now and in the future”. He may of respected my opinion but he sure as hell wasn’t respecting my wishes for safety. And that was that. Ho hum; another fuzzy encounter online.

I Let Him Hit Me

{ 17 April, 2009 @ 9:29 am } · { Confessions }
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I’ve been seeing this guy for a little bit over 4 months. When I met him, I knew he was a bit rough, and to be honest it was only supposed to be about sex. Things grew, and although it’s early days, we both know and have said that we are in love. However, he’s insanely jealous, and twice now he’s gotten agressive when I’ve seen someone or text someone he doesn’t like. We spend every night together, so he knows I’m not cheating, I wouldn’t have the time! Also, I love him too much to be unfaithful.

However, he’s smashed up my phone twice, bitten me, pushed me around, thrown things at me, spat at me and kicked me, among other things. He’s never punched me, but I do have bruises afterwards. I will confess to fighting back to get him off me etc so I’m no angel. My problem is that having chosen to forgive him (he’s on his last warning), my biggest problem is the person it makes me. I always swore I’d never be the sort of woman who stands for that sort of thing, and now I’m worried I’m losing my personality and turning into the sort of person I used to despise for being weak. But I love him and don’t want to be without him.

Tube Munchers

{ 16 April, 2009 @ 9:27 am } · { Confessions }
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No, no, no, no, noooo! Firstly, the reallly hot woman who got on at Old St. I thought you were the prettiest woman I’d ever seen but when you got that kebab out and the white sauce started to dribble down your chin you turned into the ugliest! And the bloke who got on at Moorgate today and proceeded to eat that filthy slab of meat in a pitta – you looked a mess! Don’t do it! It stinks!

Friends With My Exes

{ 15 April, 2009 @ 9:23 am } · { Confessions }
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I am so upset. I’m incomplete! Why does life have everything to do with the opposite sex? I’m a female and I’ve been in such up and down relationships. I’ve never really had a real boyfriend. When there is a guy in my life it feels like the greatest feeling ever. I hate that I can’t just be happy single. Men make you happy and then it’s like they know how to make you sad. They take away your happiness. Is it something I do? I don’t think so because I’m friends with all my exes. I think I’m a fool.

You Are My World

{ 12 April, 2009 @ 6:21 pm } · { Confessions }
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I’ve known you only a week, and already you’ve captured my heart. Our first date the other day reinforced in my mind, and I think in yours too, how good we are together. This makes me incredibly excited for the future and I start each new day with a smile on my face and a spring in my step as a result of it; and with an equally big smile as it draws to a close and I slip into slumber to dream of you. You are my world right now…

Feeling Used and Abused

{ 11 April, 2009 @ 10:26 am } · { Confessions }
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You misled me. You told me you loved me. But you had your doubts as life got harder for you. I never asked for a perfect boyfriend. You can’t just drop people when things get stressful. When we were together, I opened my heart to you and you responded by doing the same. That’s what I don’t understand. Maybe you lied. How can you just end things without even speaking to me face to face? I never expected that from you.

Look Beyond the Skin

{ 10 April, 2009 @ 8:50 pm } · { Confessions }
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I confess that I am so sick of everyone making such a big thing about skin coloour, all the postings about like, “I am a black woman, who like white guys” and vice versa. Who gives a fuck!

Skin is skin, it keeps your organs in that is all is there to do, people have different colour skin depending on how hot the country they originate from is. Thats why british people are pasty asses and africans, west indians are black and asians are somewhere in between. Take the skin off us and we’re all the same, we all shit, we all have red blood and we are all human. A person is a person is a person, look beyond skin and look within

All I Wanted Was a Friend

{ 9 April, 2009 @ 7:07 pm } · { Confessions }
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I placed an ad in the friends section of a dating site and also posted that I am married and not seeking romance. All I wanted was a friend, but I think I’m falling hard for the sweetest man who really treats me exactly the way I want to be treated. He encourages me and sometimes his brutal honesty gives me the wake up call I need. He does not even come on to me, and his respect for me I can sense millions of miles away, but I’m no cheater, never cheated before but now I’m not so sure. My feelings are getting stronger and stronger, every email he wows me with his compassionate loving, gentle nature. Oh my god there I go again…

Baby, This One Is Mine…

{ 9 April, 2009 @ 2:34 pm } · { Confessions, I Tell Ya! }
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For the past year we’ve been reading the Truth Booth together and many times have you thought a certain post has been mine. The truth is I’ve never posted anything in here before, but this one, my love, is from me.

I don’t know why you left me. I don’t even know IF you have left me. All I know is that something is keeping you away from me. And that for some reason you don’t want to tell me why. Yet the truth cannot be worse than any of my wild guesses. You know I’ve always been scared of being abandoned and you told me I had nothing to be afraid of. But then again, you also told me never to tell people how they can hurt you…

I’ve had so much time to think over the past couple of weeks. In the three and a half years I’ve known you I have never not spoken to you or seen you for this long. I live in a house where everything belongs to you. Where everything looks like you will be coming home any minute. I wear your clothes to feel your presence. To feel you wrapped around me. I’m even using your toothbrush. But I’m not writing this to tell you how much I miss you or how heartbroken I am to have lost my Man and my best friend. I’m writing to say thank you.

Thank you for all that you have been to me and for all that you have done for me. A Man of men you have been my best friend, my life support system, my mentor, my coach, my police, my soldier and my security. You’ve been my Universe! I’ve done everything for you, and it has given me more pleasure than anything I’ve ever experienced. My happiness has been your happiness and I have willingly given up everything to be there for you.

You wanted all of me. Unconditionally. And I gave you all of me. You had me body and soul. I once said you could own my heart but not my body, because my body is mine to gift to you but I have no control over my heart. You were hurt and thought I was saying that to hurt you. That maybe I had been with someone else and this was my way of letting you know. The truth is I have never as much as looked at another man. I never wanted anyone but you. I still don’t. All I wanted you to understand was that I was all yours for as long as you treated me right. As long as you didn’t lie to me. Honesty and never to just disappear on me were the only two things you had to promise me. Now it seems you have boken both of them.

But I still want to thank you. Over the past weeks I have discovered that you gave me the most amazing gift of them all. Seeing myself through your eyes, I slowly began to love myself in a way I never have before. I did call you Mary, remember, and said you were creating a monster. Well, that monster is here to stay. Baby, I’ve been blissfully happy with you and I love you more than I ever knew I could love someone I didn’t give birth to. But the truth is I love me more. Seriously. I do.

So what else is there? I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you just like we planned. I want that house with the window in the ceiling so we can lie in bed at night and look at the stars. I want to sit on that beach watching you with your string around your toe while I do my writing. I want to see our companies, our babies, grow and give us the future we were planning for. I want to twist the door knobs we got for our future home last summer. I want to nurse the seeds we planted. I want us to have a home where we have room for all our kids, your mum and our friends to always be welcome. And I want to wake up to each new day with you by my side.

I know you love me, and it’s not too late for you to come home. But if that’s not what you want there’ll be no strings to bind your hands. Not if my love can’t bind your heart. Just touch my cheek before you leave, then slowly turn away from me. I won’t beg you to stay with me through the tears of the day.

All my love

Always

x

I Miss You…

{ 5 April, 2009 @ 10:51 am } · { Confessions }
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I just can’t get you out of my mind. You hurt me so many times, you betrayed my trust in you and you made a fool of me more than once. I dont know how I can still love you after all you have done to me but I do.

I miss your smile, your touch your big strong arms around me. I miss everything about you except your lies. I don’t know what I did to make you go away, I don’t know why you ignore me or treat me the way you do. I refuse to believe you’re a bad person, something or someone has made you like this.

Thanks for the good times! Take care Angel and remember God doesn’t pay his debts in kind! xxxxx

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